Here were my notes from the first trimester of pregnancy:
It’s 9/14/09. Monday. I just took a pregnancy test. Peed on the stick and got in the shower to wait for the results. Right before I got in, I glanced down and saw a single line on the test. Darn. Another “not pregnant”, I thought. I took my time in the shower and started imagining a positive test result and running downstairs to tell Husband the news. Then I reality-checked myself, remembering the single line on the test and the 3 other pregnancy tests I had taken in the past 2 months that had been negative. No use in getting my hopes up. I dried off completely and got dressed before taking a hesitant glance at the test. What?! A faint second line had appeared! I could hardly believe it, but I was ecstatic. I wrote the news on a card for Husband and then took it downstairs to give it to him. He was happy and a bit shocked, I think. I was very excited!
9/15/09. Tuesday. Last night, Husband and I were too revved up to sleep after finding out the news. It didn’t help that I had had way too much caffeinated tea that day, which I never do. I had ordered it at a restaurant for a working lunch. I had been watching my diet just in case I was pregnant – eating vegetables every night, etc. But I had forgotten about avoiding caffeine. It was midnight before Husband and I finally went to sleep. We got up at 5:15 this morning. Probably not the best idea for a pregnant woman in her first trimester, but I’m still too excited to be tired. On another note, I have not been very patient with the kids lately. They have pushed me to my wits end at times. Sometimes, I wanted to just shake them and say, “CAN YOU JUST BE QUIET!” I was glad to find out that my hormones were most likely playing a part in this and that I wasn’t just losing it. I remember my temper being shorter with Kelby when I was pregnant with Bryler. My pregnancy news made me feel brand new. Bryler woke up early this morning, and I decided to hold him for a little while before rushing through the getting-ready routine. He was a breath of fresh air. I got him dressed and then I got Kelby up and held her for a little bit while Bryler ate his breakfast. She especially loves to cuddle nowadays. It was a good morning. I was reminded of why we wanted to have kids in the first place.
9/16/09. Wednesday. Well, lack of sleep hit me like a rock and I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I’ve been getting up to pee at least once every night, which is not normal for me. (I would be annoyed except that I need to get Bryler up to pee anyway. If I get him up to pee, he’s dry in the morning.) I have forced myself to be patient because I can feel the heat of anger rising when the kids pushed me, and I now recognize it as hormones. I am amazed at how much more patient I could be when I could identify the cause of the strong emotions. I got my blood drawn to test my thyroid activity levels this morning before work. My mood? I was ecstatic today. Euphoric. I was floating through the morning, feeling blessed and grateful. Oh, yeah. And my belly felt big. It felt like something was in there. The baby should be too small to feel anything, so I couldn’t decide if it was my imagination or if it really felt different. Turns out it was probably bloating, which is common in the first trimester.
9/17/09. Thursday. Woke up feeling queasy. I ate some cheese and sat down for a few minutes before getting ready for work. Felt pretty good the rest of the day. The nurse called me later in the day to report on my blood test. She told me that I was “hyper” and needed to decrease my Synthroid dosage. I picked up a new prescription, some prenatal vitamins, and some spinach from Walmart on my way home from work. I had some spinach last week and it was surprisingly yummy! I got home to find that Husband had fixed a full meal of fish sticks, corn, mashed potatoes, and bread. He’d also done a lot of cleaning around the house. It was great! Thursday is Husband’s night to play LOTRO. Kelby and Bryler and I watched a Clifford movie together after dinner. Still feeling behind on sleep, I fell asleep twice during the movie.
9/18/09. Friday. Woke up feeling better today– not as queasy. I took the thyroid medicine in the middle of the night instead of the morning and I had taken a prenatal vitamin the evening before, so one or both of those factors might have helped. I followed my normal routine of getting ready for work and then eating cereal while reading the Bible and/or writing in my blog. When I dropped off the kids at Granda’s, she had fixed a nice breakfast of fruits, bacon, biscuits, and scrambled eggs. We haven’t told her about the pregnancy yet, but I wondered if she somehow knew anyway. She used to always fix Aunt Nooni a similar breakfast when she was pregnant. It was a stressful day at work trying to wrap up all my obligations before our trip to Myrtle Beach next week. I ate a small can of spinach and popcorn shrimp for dinner.
9/19/09. Saturday. I had sciatica today, which is basically butt-cramps. I had it with both my other pregnancies, so I was only surprised that it was here so early in the pregnancy. (Husband wondered if I might be farther along than I estimate, but I feel pretty good about my self-diagnosis. I think I’m 5 1/2 weeks.) Sciatica is very painful. For about 3 hours, I had butt-cramps whenever I tried to walk. I walked around the house either limping or clutching my left butt cheek. I lounged on the couch for about an hour while we watched the Vols football game and I didn’t feel any more cramps after that. Husband and I discussed when we should tell the family, when to tell the kids and everyone else, and how we would arrange child care after the baby was born. This part is the cause of Husband’s trepidation about the whole thing because we had basically decided that he would quit his job and pursue independent computer programming and take care of the new baby while I continued to work. Husband’s desire to work for himself has been something we’ve talked about for years, but the part about having another baby was a new ingredient to sift into the mix. In fact, we had decided NOT to have any more kids shortly after Bryler was born… unless of course God had us conceive while on birth control or unless He changed our minds. Over the last 6 months, I had become convinced that we weren’t done, that God wanted us to have one more, and that I would regret it someday if we ignored the feelings. Husband wasn’t feeling the same way that I did, but he wasn’t adamantly against the idea and he knew my heart. In the end, he trusted that God was in it and agreed that we’d go off birth control and see what happened. That was in early July. There is actually a whole lot more to this, but this is my short summary. I only give this background because it shows that the childcare part of it and Husband actually quitting his job is now a reality that we are having to make decisions about. Granda is already taking care of 4 grandkids, which is unbelievable, so Husband told me very early in our discussions that he wasn’t comfortable dumping yet another baby on her. Sure, we pay her, but it’s really too much for one person. Husband and I are very similar in that we love our children beyond words, but we really need time away from them to keep sane. So we are going to have to trust God that He will bless whatever arrangement we work out and pray for lots of patience if Husband ends up staying home with the baby. Our thoughts at this point in time are this: In a few months, Husband will tell his employer that he will need to stay home to take care of the baby when he/she comes, which is probably mid-May. We’ll see if they offer him alternatives, such as working from home and/or working part time. Then we’ll assume that Granda will continue her current arrangement of keeping Kelby and Bryler whenever they’re not in preschool. Husband will need to look after the baby and can do computer programming while he/she is sleeping. If Husband’s employer wants him to work part-time, he could go to work 3 days a week when the kids are in preschool and Granda could watch the baby on those days. During the summer when Kelby and Bryler’s preschool is closed, Granda might take the baby some days and Husband would take either Kelby or Bryler for the day. Husband kept saying that he might as well watch all of them if he stayed home, but I disagreed. I don’t think he’d ever be able to get anything done that way and I reminded him that it’s always easier to have just one since they are usually much better behaved when they are alone. So, anyway, we’ll continue praying about it. Husband would really like God to tell him what to do, but I think He already has by getting us to this point. We’ll probably tell the family The News when we get back from our Myrtle Beach trip, and we’ll tell the kids and everyone else when I’m past the first trimester (highest risk of miscarriage). Our first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound is scheduled for Oct 5.
10/5/09 Monday. Life got really busy since my last entry. We went to Myrtle Beach for five days. It was a great trip, but I struggled with lack of energy. Kelby got a new encyclopedia while we were there. There is a section on the developing fetus with ultrasound pictures of each stage from fertilization to newborn. It was about five minutes after we read that section when she said, “I hope you have a baby in your belly.” I said, “Why?” She said, “Because I want a sister.” It was cool. I can’t wait to tell her. The following weekend was the ladies’ retreat to John Knox Center. It was really hard to not tell my news. Thankfully, I didn’t feel very queasy and my energy level wasn’t too low even though I didn’t get much sleep Friday night. I took a two-hour nap on Sunday. I really needed it. My doctor’s appointment is this morning at 9:45. I am nervous about it because I have to go to a different OBGYN practice and I don’t know what to expect. It is a little annoying that they didn’t want to see me until now. There are so many things that I didn’t remember from my last pregnancies, such as special diet rules and the importance of prenatal vitamins early in the pregnancy. I looked these things up on the Internet, but I probably missed the most important stage for the prenatal vitamins. I had become accustomed to and comfortable with the OBGYN practice that I used for both of my other pregnancies, but the practice is now gone. I’ve been to this new practice for an annual exam, but I just wasn’t as comfortable there. I’m glad Husband is going to meet me there. I am also concerned that, since it is our third child, that the pregnancy will not treated as being as special as my other pregnancies. I want everyone to remember that this baby is as special and exciting as any other baby.
10/7/09 Wednesday. The ultrasound was on Monday. Husband met me at the doctor’s office. I don’t like the practice nearly as much as the one we used to go to but is now closed. This one is more busy and the offices are much more cramped and less private. I don’t enjoy going there. But we got to see the little baby inside me. The ultrasound lady confirmed that the baby was 9 weeks (as I had suspected) and gave us a due date of May 10. This is easy to remember because it’s my older sister’s birthday. I also saw a doctor who answered my questions and said everything looked good. I asked if I should have the flu shots and he said yes, so I went ahead and got the regular seasonal one. The other special strain of H1N1 flu shot isn’t available yet. The shot hurt and bled so much that the nurse had to get me a new band-aid. That afternoon, Husband and I decided to tell my parents at lunch on Thursday, which is when I normally go eat lunch at their house. Telling his parents would be harder since we didn’t want to tell our kids yet and they were always around. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open that day. I went to bed early. Still, I was so tired on Tuesday morning when I got up at my regular time of 5:15. I don’t know if it was because of the flu shot or just because of the pregnancy, but I could only think of getting back in bed. So I did. I rushed to get myself ready for work and fix the kids lunches and then instead of eating breakfast and reading the Bible and getting on the computer, I slept for another 45 minutes. Then I got the kids up and ate some breakfast with them. I still managed to leave on time somehow. That afternoon, I called the owner of the house down the street that we have had our eye on for a few years. Grandmother had been talking with him because he wants to buy a piece of her land to build a smaller house and wants to move out of his big house sometime next year. It seemed like perfect timing for us and this new baby, so I called to see if we could see the house, and he said we could come at 6:30. That was a perfect opportunity for us to invite Husband’s parents to come eat dinner with us and then go see the house. I picked up Buddies BBQ on the way home from work. We left the kids in bed for their naps while Husband told his parents that I was expecting. He started out by saying the he planned to retire from work and then led up to the baby. Granda was excited and Big Dad smiled. Granda said that she’d thought we’d have another one, which we were not surprised at. Then we got the kids up and gave them dinner before loading up to go see the house. Big Dad had a headache, so he didn’t join us, but Granda met us there. Before we went in, we gave the kids warnings about staying close to us and being well behaved while we got a tour of the house. We held them most of the time and it turned out okay although they were really getting restless by the end of the visit. The house was huge and beautiful. The rooms were very large and there was a lot of storage and closet space. It had two porches, a screened-in sunroom, and an indoor sunroom. The kitchen was amazing. The kids loved the house and wanted to be released to go play. Kelby loved the bedroom that would probably have been hers. The house, 10 years old, seemed to be very well built and in very good shape. But the price is really too high for us and it honestly is bigger than we need it to be. And it really wasn’t perfect — it didn’t have a family room connected to the kitchen and there was nowhere to put a theater room and the yard was big but not really what we wanted. That evening after the kids were in bed, all the stresses of Husband quitting work even though he wasn’t sure he wanted to, and figuring out what to do about buying a house or renovating our house, and child care arrangements seemed to pile in on us. It was my darkest time of the pregnancy so far. In the end, we prayed and reminded ourselves that we trusted God to work it all out.
10/21/09. Wednesday. I am still waiting for the H1N1 flu shot to be available. Right now, it’s only available in the mist which is not recommended for pregnant women, so I need to wait for the injection. I’ve had an excellent pregnancy so far. I can’t complain one bit. In the last two weeks, I haven’t really felt queasy. I just made sure I ate frequently enough and I was fine. I also have not had any more bouts with sciatica. I went to my second appointment at the OB GYN. They just took my blood and urine for the normal testing and asked me all the standard questions about our medical history. I really don’t like that place. It is very impersonal and uncaring. Babies (among other things) are their business. I feel like a cow in a long line of other cows. I tried to find another practice that delivers babies at the local hospital, but I couldn’t find any others so I guess I’m staying put. It made me depressed. I want the pregnancy to be just as special as my other pregnancies, but this one feels so mundane and ho-hum. I talked to Husband about it and he made me feel better. I think it will make me feel better when we tell the kids about it because I know that they will be excited. It will not be mundane and ho-hum to them. And once I am able to see and feel signs of pregnancy, I’m sure it will be more special to me, too.
11/19/09. Thursday. I just read over my notes and realized that there were many important things that were left out so I’m going to try to catch this up before I publish it. I called my mom on Wednesday, Oct 7, and told her that Husband and I wanted to come have lunch with her and Dad. She was at the office in Knoxville and had some more afternoon appointments, but she figured it was something important and said she’d drive home for lunch anyway. I just didn’t want to tell them on the phone and I wanted Husband to be with me when we told them the news. Husband had a lunch appointment with a friend, so he didn’t stay long, but we got to make our announcement in person. I think they were surprised but happy and excited for us. I stayed and ate lunch with them and got to tell them our thoughts about Husband quitting work and child care arrangements. It was so nice to be able to talk about it. We told the rest of the immediate family later that week. I had another appointment with the female OBGYN doctor and she answered my list of questions, mostly about whether I could continue my exercise routine and lifting weights and mowing the lawn and stuff. She said that 12 weeks was when the chance of miscarriage dropped much lower, so we decided to tell the kids at 12 weeks instead of waiting until the end of the 1st trimester after 14 weeks. I was looking forward to sharing our news with them, especially Kelby since I knew she’d be excited. On the Sunday evening that began my 12th week of pregnancy, the kids were eating dinner (or maybe dessert) and were being really good, so I mouthed to Husband that we should tell them now. I got my camera and propped it up on the counter so we could record it discretely. Husband said something like, “Guess what? Mommy has a baby in her belly.” I loved Kelby’s first response, so typical of her analytical mind: She said, “How do you know?” I said, “The doctor told us.” She accepted that and her next question was “What are you going to name it?” We told her that we didn’t know yet because we didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl yet. Then she started to get more excited and said that she wanted to have a sister and stuff. Bryler didn’t really say anything. He just sat and listened to our conversation. I wasn’t sure if he understood, but we didn’t push it. A few days later, he was playing around and accidentally hit me in the belly. I told him that he had to be careful because there was a baby in there and we didn’t want to hurt the baby. He got serious and seemed to understand. About a week later, he told Granda that he didn’t want a baby. He is still very attached to me and I think he’s worried a baby moving in on his turf. But he hasn’t said that to anyone else as far as I know. Last week, he accidentally kicked me in the chest and I got serious with him and told him to be careful. He got really serious, too, and said in a small, concerned voice, “I hurt the baby?” I assured him that he had not hurt the baby, it just hurt Mommy a little bit, but I was touched by his concern. Kelby has continued to be excited. Every night, she prays and thanks God for each family member by name and then she says, “…and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK you for the little baby in Mommy’s belly!” It is very sweet. She also kisses the baby (my belly). I think we are going to let her come to the ultrasound appointment where we get to find out the sex of the baby at 20 weeks, right before Christmas. I think she will really love that! We started telling our friends and co-workers the week after we told the kids. There are several other pregnant women at church due around the same time, so that will be fun. After that, I got out all the maternity clothes and put away the clothes that I won’t be able to fit in much longer. I already was unable to wear my jeans any more. It started to get more fun and exciting wearing the maternity clothes. And then, last week, I started to feel the baby moving! That was super cool! And the first time that I was absolutely certain of it, I was at work, and I just had to call Husband to tell him. It was finally more than just a concept or idea and it started to become real that there was a baby in there. Instead of thinking in terms of the logistics of having an abstract baby, I started to visualize a real baby — our baby.
